Hello people,
Perhaps it is an unfortunate coincidence attached with my blogging, or its an indication of the well known fact - history repeats itself.
One year ago, i started blogging and jogging. One of my earliest posts was on Saddam Hussain's trial and hanging. Its been one year since Saddam died. An now, after one year, one more political leader, Benazir Bhutto was killed (27th Dec). And coincidentally i have started jogging again !
When Saddam was hanged, i had commented that 'the unusually rapid trial and conviction may be due to USA's fear of him rebounding back to a position of power in iraq. US didnt want that, and hence the trial'.
Now that Benazir was killed in such a brutal manner with the elections in Pakistan so close, it indeed is very thought provoking. First of all, elections in Pakistan are ..well.. cant find a proper word for it.. so lets say rare. With two of the former leaders Nawaz Sharif and Benazir Bhutto returning to Pakistan with the elections in mind, the killing seems to be a brute force way to eliminate competition. But, is it so?
These are some of my views on the possible motives behind it (Separated by OR):
1) Its a brute force way to eliminate competition, used by Mr Musharraf ?. But the killings really endanger his own public profile. Or is it going to be an opportunity for Mr Mush to postpone the elections indefinitely and declare emergency again? OR lets say by other political leaders, not only Mush. Was this a way to turn the elections into a blood feud?
2) Is there a hidden US motive behind it? Mr Mush has put Pakistan in a much better position with the US with his statesmanship. All the stuff on fighting the war against terror, the no use of nuclear arsenal strategy etc etc have him in good books with US. So does US want to use Mr Mush as its puppet and to maintain him in power, they are ready to kill the opposing leaders?
3) Is it really some terrorist organization who plans to bring anarchy in Pakistan and to gain control, like taliban did in Afganistan. There have been murder attempts at Sharif and Benazir in the recent past, but none on Mr Mush. This seems a bit against this particular view isnt it?
4) Well, couldn't resist putting this point. Is it possible that India had some motive behind it?
In the terms of Sharif and Bhutto, there was a lot of terrorist infiltration secretly supported by Pakistan. During Mush's regime, these apparently had ceased. The indo-pak relations were in a much better position. Is it possible that India was afraid of the possibility of either of Sharif / Bhutto returning to power?
If anyone has comments or any arguments with/against these views they are very much welcome to write. This is a highly interesting point to discuss (Not the unfortunate incident but the cause of it). I am sure that politics analysts all over the world (not politicians !) would be thinking about the incident.
P.S. I have written these views as a part of my own brainstorming process, they may not necessarily have any kind of validity / factual proof.
Me
- HellBound but Still Divine
- Pune, Maharashtra, India
- I consider myself a science student... I read, i observe, i think and i write.. this is a reflection of me
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Local Vs Global Optima
Statutory warning: This blog is a scientific discussion.
In maths, there is a concept called as optima. I wont define wot it is. there are two types of optima, local and global. They mean literally that.
These concepts are used bery widely in many fields. Lets first discuss some of them before we go to the main topic of the blog.
1) Industry:
Industrialists all over the world are continuously analyzing their performance based on some criteria. The main problem in front of them is whether to achieve a local optima in each of their units, or to achieve a global optima in the whole pipeline as such. The achievement of a local optima is preferred by individual units as they have better performance to report. Whereas the big bosses see the 'big picture'.
2) Protein folding: (correct me if i m wrong)
In the process of protein folding, the protein goes through various free energy points which are local optima points. However the protein is supposed to fold in such a way that the overall free energy is the global optimum. But the protein in reality, in vivo is never at the global optimum, its at one of the local optima.
This brings us to the topic of this blog. Does life also have any such things?
For the sake of discussion, lets call optima as the 'good' state of life.
We all know that there are ups and downs in life. I think that they are like local fluctuations on a timeline. Sometimes we achieve local optimum, sometimes its a 'down' state. This takes us to the fundamental question, which is translated as: "Should one try to achieve the local optima always, or sometime sacrifice the local optima for the global optimum"
I think global optima is the choice (or traditionally its known to be the 'wise' choice). But is it?
On a timescale, global optimum would be at the end of the whole context, which translates to death here.(?)
Moreover, in striving for the global optimum, are we allowing some irreversible damage?
Well, i sorta forgot wot i was thinking (i was on the bike then). But lets discuss another situation.
I am applying to US.. investing more than a lac Rs in the process. Plus there are these other exams an all. So lets take it somewhere around 1.5lac. This is to achieve the global optimum right?.
But if the process fails somehow, the damage created by it is going to be a big blow. So in order to achieve the global optimum, i m putting the local situation in danger. Is that a wise thing to do?
let me ponder over it for some time.. meanwhile, any comments / suggestions are welcome.
In maths, there is a concept called as optima. I wont define wot it is. there are two types of optima, local and global. They mean literally that.
These concepts are used bery widely in many fields. Lets first discuss some of them before we go to the main topic of the blog.
1) Industry:
Industrialists all over the world are continuously analyzing their performance based on some criteria. The main problem in front of them is whether to achieve a local optima in each of their units, or to achieve a global optima in the whole pipeline as such. The achievement of a local optima is preferred by individual units as they have better performance to report. Whereas the big bosses see the 'big picture'.
2) Protein folding: (correct me if i m wrong)
In the process of protein folding, the protein goes through various free energy points which are local optima points. However the protein is supposed to fold in such a way that the overall free energy is the global optimum. But the protein in reality, in vivo is never at the global optimum, its at one of the local optima.
This brings us to the topic of this blog. Does life also have any such things?
For the sake of discussion, lets call optima as the 'good' state of life.
We all know that there are ups and downs in life. I think that they are like local fluctuations on a timeline. Sometimes we achieve local optimum, sometimes its a 'down' state. This takes us to the fundamental question, which is translated as: "Should one try to achieve the local optima always, or sometime sacrifice the local optima for the global optimum"
I think global optima is the choice (or traditionally its known to be the 'wise' choice). But is it?
On a timescale, global optimum would be at the end of the whole context, which translates to death here.(?)
Moreover, in striving for the global optimum, are we allowing some irreversible damage?
Well, i sorta forgot wot i was thinking (i was on the bike then). But lets discuss another situation.
I am applying to US.. investing more than a lac Rs in the process. Plus there are these other exams an all. So lets take it somewhere around 1.5lac. This is to achieve the global optimum right?.
But if the process fails somehow, the damage created by it is going to be a big blow. So in order to achieve the global optimum, i m putting the local situation in danger. Is that a wise thing to do?
let me ponder over it for some time.. meanwhile, any comments / suggestions are welcome.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Hello,
Hvnt been online much.. (well atleast on the blogger).. been busy with US applications... SOP, recos, univ shortlistings, transcripts etc etc... dint get much time to write anything.. which brings us to the topic of this post.
See, in the last yr, when i was teaching GRE maths to a girl, i never thought tht i myself wud give GRE an all.. but somehow i went through the pipeline.. (i m not regretting it at all)..
an then when actually i realized tht after all the prepn, (if i get thru), i wud be goin to US for my PhD, it was a different feeling... the same thingn i.e. goin to US for phd.. was different when i casually talked abt it, an now when i m actually preparing for it, its a whole new thing.
A long time ago, in say 7-8th std, i had read a poem, marathi one.. called साग़रास.. by Swatantryaveer sawarkar. i remember the words :
गुण-सुमने मी वेचियली या भावे , कि तिने सुगंधा घ्यावे
जरी उद्धरणी व्यय न तिच्या हो साचा , हा व्यर्थ भार विद्येचा
These are the words which continuously keep coming to my mind. Not that i have already gone an cant return.. but still there is a feeling something like that...
Am i doing the right thing? am i leaving the country, leaving my family, leaving the place where i belong? What is the reason tht i m so much motivated to go to US? is it the same feeling as conveyed by these words (from the same poem)?:
मज वदलासी अन्य देशी चल जाऊ , स्रृष्टिची विविधता पाहू ॥
तंइ जननी ह्रं विरह शंकित हि झाले, परि तुंवा वचन तिज दिधले ॥
मार्गज्ञ स्वये मीच पृष्ठी वाहीन, त्वरितया परत आणीन ॥
विश्वसलो या तव वचनी मी,
जगदनुभव योगे बनुनी मी,
तव अधिक शक्त उद्धरणी मी, ॥
येइन त्वरे कथुन सोडिले तिजला, सागरा प्राण तळमळला, तळमळला सागरा ॥
I am worried that its a similar feeling tht i m experiencing..
dont know wot to do now.. lets see.. will think more abt it..
till then goodbye
-Alok
Hvnt been online much.. (well atleast on the blogger).. been busy with US applications... SOP, recos, univ shortlistings, transcripts etc etc... dint get much time to write anything.. which brings us to the topic of this post.
See, in the last yr, when i was teaching GRE maths to a girl, i never thought tht i myself wud give GRE an all.. but somehow i went through the pipeline.. (i m not regretting it at all)..
an then when actually i realized tht after all the prepn, (if i get thru), i wud be goin to US for my PhD, it was a different feeling... the same thingn i.e. goin to US for phd.. was different when i casually talked abt it, an now when i m actually preparing for it, its a whole new thing.
A long time ago, in say 7-8th std, i had read a poem, marathi one.. called साग़रास.. by Swatantryaveer sawarkar. i remember the words :
गुण-सुमने मी वेचियली या भावे , कि तिने सुगंधा घ्यावे
जरी उद्धरणी व्यय न तिच्या हो साचा , हा व्यर्थ भार विद्येचा
These are the words which continuously keep coming to my mind. Not that i have already gone an cant return.. but still there is a feeling something like that...
Am i doing the right thing? am i leaving the country, leaving my family, leaving the place where i belong? What is the reason tht i m so much motivated to go to US? is it the same feeling as conveyed by these words (from the same poem)?:
मज वदलासी अन्य देशी चल जाऊ , स्रृष्टिची विविधता पाहू ॥
तंइ जननी ह्रं विरह शंकित हि झाले, परि तुंवा वचन तिज दिधले ॥
मार्गज्ञ स्वये मीच पृष्ठी वाहीन, त्वरितया परत आणीन ॥
विश्वसलो या तव वचनी मी,
जगदनुभव योगे बनुनी मी,
तव अधिक शक्त उद्धरणी मी, ॥
येइन त्वरे कथुन सोडिले तिजला, सागरा प्राण तळमळला, तळमळला सागरा ॥
I am worried that its a similar feeling tht i m experiencing..
dont know wot to do now.. lets see.. will think more abt it..
till then goodbye
-Alok
Monday, September 24, 2007
Continued from the last post....
Now probably i understand the fox and his sour grapes.. grapes are probably meant to be sour.. or the fox is not meant to eat those grapes, or simply both.
But i cant help thinking that the fox is probably wise.. an sour grapes do seem like the right choice...
The fox was wise, he knew that there is a chance that the grapes are sour, wot about me?
I also knew that .. still i didnt make the choice.. i m a lot less wiser than the fox u can say..
and probably, accepting the fact that the grapes are sour takes bravery..
Now probably i understand the fox and his sour grapes.. grapes are probably meant to be sour.. or the fox is not meant to eat those grapes, or simply both.
But i cant help thinking that the fox is probably wise.. an sour grapes do seem like the right choice...
The fox was wise, he knew that there is a chance that the grapes are sour, wot about me?
I also knew that .. still i didnt make the choice.. i m a lot less wiser than the fox u can say..
and probably, accepting the fact that the grapes are sour takes bravery..
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Sour Grapes
Hello,
i m back again after a long time.. had nothing to write..
I remember tht story about the fox who wanted to eat grapes off the vine, but they were too high, so he decides tht he doesnt want those anymore cause they are sour.
I cant help thinking whether my condition is like tht.. say i have two options, one is out of question, (well then y is it an option at all?, but still) and the other one, i dont know whether there is any way if i chose that one..
So i m thinking of both of them as sour grapes... why?
Because it is comforting? probably i m weak enough to not face the facts.. Am i missing out on something? or is it just better that way.
Life somehow becomes a bit easy (in the present) if i chose not to take any one of them.. but is it necessarily better for my future? i cant decide.. so am i better off thinking the grapes are sour? or should i think about the future too?
See, this is an issue where i cant predict the consequences of any of my actions.. and previous experience has taught me that there are grave consequences of the smallest actions.. but if i cant predict the repercussions, which choice to make? or defy both? because even not taking any choice is itself a choice, and that has its own effects...
So if i cant predict, what should i do? i m confused thoroughly..
so currently sour grapes seem attractive!!
i m back again after a long time.. had nothing to write..
I remember tht story about the fox who wanted to eat grapes off the vine, but they were too high, so he decides tht he doesnt want those anymore cause they are sour.
I cant help thinking whether my condition is like tht.. say i have two options, one is out of question, (well then y is it an option at all?, but still) and the other one, i dont know whether there is any way if i chose that one..
So i m thinking of both of them as sour grapes... why?
Because it is comforting? probably i m weak enough to not face the facts.. Am i missing out on something? or is it just better that way.
Life somehow becomes a bit easy (in the present) if i chose not to take any one of them.. but is it necessarily better for my future? i cant decide.. so am i better off thinking the grapes are sour? or should i think about the future too?
See, this is an issue where i cant predict the consequences of any of my actions.. and previous experience has taught me that there are grave consequences of the smallest actions.. but if i cant predict the repercussions, which choice to make? or defy both? because even not taking any choice is itself a choice, and that has its own effects...
So if i cant predict, what should i do? i m confused thoroughly..
so currently sour grapes seem attractive!!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
The butterfly effect??
Hello people,
i am back after a long time. this blogging had become redundant for me, an i was losing the effect of that.. so took a break from that.. now i m back..
I have experienced a huge change in life over the past few months, an sure as hell its gonna affect my exams.. adversely.
When i look back at the last semester (being a student, the unit of time for me is a semester), i say to myself, what did i gain and wot did i lose.. well a lot of things both ways..
Lets review the last semester (This is a critical point in the blog, those who want to stop reading, stop right here...)..
It began very well.. i developed new habits of jogging and blogging.. i was reading stuff, books, papers, with a great interest, my thought process was continually running.. then i got my laptop, these reading etc things were even faster and better now.. life seemed well-set.. no hassles, i was sure that i was on the right track..
Then the road became bumpy and bumpier.. dont know why.. may be because i paid too much attention in wots the effect of other people on me.. i should have been detached.. i was in the beginning.. but i got entagled into mess everywhere.. that was my own foolishness.. i paid too much attention to my heart, than my brain.. i did a lot of talking - waste of course... and soon my academics suffered.. i started losing interest in the course work.. i got rejected at several places for summer training and i realized that i m nowhere.. i am a succesful nobody
then just when i thought that the road is getting better, i hit a roadblock.. my life suddenly was turned to black.. that was when the whole delhi trip happened.. i lost all the respect for myself.. an believe me there is nothing worse than that.. it sorta eats you from the inside.. the delhi trip really exposed my flaws, my own weakness.. and the greatest weakness of all was that i allowed myself to be weak..
After the trip, i set my feelings aside, and started afresh.. caught on with my course work.. i was working at a good pace.. and i knew if i stopped, it would take me a long time to get back on my feet.. but was i wary?.. i was.. but i still stopped.. knowing that it would be detrimental.. i still stopped..
when i stopped.. i became the rabbit in the race.. i stopped in the hope of something, i faced rejection there too.. an believe me, that was bad.. i not only became the loser rabbit, but a roasted one... now the song black made sense .. it made all the sense..
I suffered losses everywhere.. my exams were bad.. my mental and physical state worsened.. and my depressions no longer remained times-with-my-own-self ... they were real depressions.. mental and physical.. and they proved to be addictive, once again exposing my weak self.. i never regained the lost respect, instead i lost it further more.. then i wrote the stupid post 'the awakening'.. it turned out to be very prematurely written.. that wasnt my real awakening.. thses things arent like that.. i cant face that much of a change overnight.. it has to be gradual..
But even after that, the road wasnt much worse.. it was better than wot i had before.. but it got better... now its much better.. i am experiencing the real awakening.. i am scientifically more active, indulging in other things than my own stupid thoughts.. did a great summe training.. so i m much more on the track.. so lets say i m better off now..
but i still know that i am goin to experience the consequences of the last semester.. they are gonna be bad.. but i am raedy to face them.. I know the real meaning of the term 'the butterfly effect'..
i am back after a long time. this blogging had become redundant for me, an i was losing the effect of that.. so took a break from that.. now i m back..
I have experienced a huge change in life over the past few months, an sure as hell its gonna affect my exams.. adversely.
When i look back at the last semester (being a student, the unit of time for me is a semester), i say to myself, what did i gain and wot did i lose.. well a lot of things both ways..
Lets review the last semester (This is a critical point in the blog, those who want to stop reading, stop right here...)..
It began very well.. i developed new habits of jogging and blogging.. i was reading stuff, books, papers, with a great interest, my thought process was continually running.. then i got my laptop, these reading etc things were even faster and better now.. life seemed well-set.. no hassles, i was sure that i was on the right track..
Then the road became bumpy and bumpier.. dont know why.. may be because i paid too much attention in wots the effect of other people on me.. i should have been detached.. i was in the beginning.. but i got entagled into mess everywhere.. that was my own foolishness.. i paid too much attention to my heart, than my brain.. i did a lot of talking - waste of course... and soon my academics suffered.. i started losing interest in the course work.. i got rejected at several places for summer training and i realized that i m nowhere.. i am a succesful nobody
then just when i thought that the road is getting better, i hit a roadblock.. my life suddenly was turned to black.. that was when the whole delhi trip happened.. i lost all the respect for myself.. an believe me there is nothing worse than that.. it sorta eats you from the inside.. the delhi trip really exposed my flaws, my own weakness.. and the greatest weakness of all was that i allowed myself to be weak..
After the trip, i set my feelings aside, and started afresh.. caught on with my course work.. i was working at a good pace.. and i knew if i stopped, it would take me a long time to get back on my feet.. but was i wary?.. i was.. but i still stopped.. knowing that it would be detrimental.. i still stopped..
when i stopped.. i became the rabbit in the race.. i stopped in the hope of something, i faced rejection there too.. an believe me, that was bad.. i not only became the loser rabbit, but a roasted one... now the song black made sense .. it made all the sense..
I suffered losses everywhere.. my exams were bad.. my mental and physical state worsened.. and my depressions no longer remained times-with-my-own-self ... they were real depressions.. mental and physical.. and they proved to be addictive, once again exposing my weak self.. i never regained the lost respect, instead i lost it further more.. then i wrote the stupid post 'the awakening'.. it turned out to be very prematurely written.. that wasnt my real awakening.. thses things arent like that.. i cant face that much of a change overnight.. it has to be gradual..
But even after that, the road wasnt much worse.. it was better than wot i had before.. but it got better... now its much better.. i am experiencing the real awakening.. i am scientifically more active, indulging in other things than my own stupid thoughts.. did a great summe training.. so i m much more on the track.. so lets say i m better off now..
but i still know that i am goin to experience the consequences of the last semester.. they are gonna be bad.. but i am raedy to face them.. I know the real meaning of the term 'the butterfly effect'..
Sunday, May 20, 2007
The awakening
Exams over!! finally.. well almost over..
lots of stuff has passed by... lots of stuff has gone theu my mind, some of it is still left..
I ask, y do people have feelings if they are not gonna come true one day? wot is a feeling?? specific stoichiometric combination of neurotransmitters firing at specific places? hehe..
No no.. no boring stuff here in this blog..
SO, after the boredom is over, i am all fired up for a change in my daily life.. so new morning comes...
Jus awaking from the slumber... and deep sleep...
Let there be new light !! .. amen
lots of stuff has passed by... lots of stuff has gone theu my mind, some of it is still left..
I ask, y do people have feelings if they are not gonna come true one day? wot is a feeling?? specific stoichiometric combination of neurotransmitters firing at specific places? hehe..
No no.. no boring stuff here in this blog..
SO, after the boredom is over, i am all fired up for a change in my daily life.. so new morning comes...
Jus awaking from the slumber... and deep sleep...
Let there be new light !! .. amen
Saturday, April 7, 2007
Black
Hey...oooh...
Sheets of empty canvas
Untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me
As her body once did
All five horizons
Revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed
Has taken a turn
Ooh and all I taught her was everything
Ooh I know she gave me all that she wore
And now my bitter hands
Chafe beneath the clouds
Of what was everything
Oh the pictures have
All been washed in black
Tattooed everything
I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by Some kids at play
I can feel their laughter
So why do I sear
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin
Round my head I'm spinning
Oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can, drop away...
And now my bitter hands
Cradle broken glass
Of what was everything
All the pictures had
All been washed in black
Tattooed everything
All the love gone bad
Turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see
All that I am All I'll be...
Yeah Uh huh...uh huh...ooh...
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a sun In somebody else's sky
But why Why Why can't it be
Why can't it be mine (not sure?)
This is a song called Black by Pearl Jam which i hv been listenin to pretty frequently for some days...
Sheets of empty canvas
Untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me
As her body once did
All five horizons
Revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed
Has taken a turn
Ooh and all I taught her was everything
Ooh I know she gave me all that she wore
And now my bitter hands
Chafe beneath the clouds
Of what was everything
Oh the pictures have
All been washed in black
Tattooed everything
I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by Some kids at play
I can feel their laughter
So why do I sear
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin
Round my head I'm spinning
Oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can, drop away...
And now my bitter hands
Cradle broken glass
Of what was everything
All the pictures had
All been washed in black
Tattooed everything
All the love gone bad
Turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see
All that I am All I'll be...
Yeah Uh huh...uh huh...ooh...
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a sun In somebody else's sky
But why Why Why can't it be
Why can't it be mine (not sure?)
This is a song called Black by Pearl Jam which i hv been listenin to pretty frequently for some days...
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Purpose of life
Why do we live in the particular way? what is it that we live for? what is the PURPOSE of what we do?? what is the purpose of life??
As quoted by Agent Smith, the purpose of life is to END.. but i dont agree.... if life was supposed to end an only end, why was it created in the first place? that cant be the purpose of life, the meaning of life itself is contradictory to its purpose.. so to end cant be the purpose of life... if its purpose is to end, it doesnt have a purpose....
But then, if ending is not connected with the purpose of life, why is it so crucial that a life has to end, it absolutely has to.. if to end is not its purpose, why does a life end at all?
i think the purpose of life is to exist.. to exist, to survive... and to survive for what??
the answer is Self-Respect.. weird?? wrong?? confusing?? maybe true?? absolutely bullshit?? makes some sense??
But yeah, i think we live for self respect.. atleast i do... i wont do anything that wud hurt my self respect.. i shudnt be made to look down upon myself... i shudnt feel that i m letting myself down.. i shudnt do anything that makes me fall in my own sight... thats wot i live for...
i live to preserve my self respect.. i agree i have done stuff b4 which contradicted all this... but i now know wot my purpose of existence is... and i will try to live up to that purpose.. to preserve my self respect...
But then i ask... 'The purposeof life is to preserve self respect' sounds fancy.. we are humans, we have a conscious acknowledgement of self respect.. do the lower organisms have smtn like that?.. they dont have a capacity to acknowledge smtn as self respect... but then they way they live is itself their self respect.. i have heard somewhere that tigers never eat animals which are not killed by them.. is it not a form of self respect?? nature has given them that way.. u may think its stupid an there must be a scientific reason behind that... but thats wot i think...
so finally i have reached a conclusion in a blog.. (desnt happen much).. but i have quoted here:
'The purpose of life is to exist and exist in such a way so as to preserve the self respect'
One day, this wud be cited somewhere as thoughts of great ppl... ;).. an i wud proudly give lectures on this.. (goin off too high am i??)..
anyways think about it... whoever reads this, i wud like comments...
As quoted by Agent Smith, the purpose of life is to END.. but i dont agree.... if life was supposed to end an only end, why was it created in the first place? that cant be the purpose of life, the meaning of life itself is contradictory to its purpose.. so to end cant be the purpose of life... if its purpose is to end, it doesnt have a purpose....
But then, if ending is not connected with the purpose of life, why is it so crucial that a life has to end, it absolutely has to.. if to end is not its purpose, why does a life end at all?
i think the purpose of life is to exist.. to exist, to survive... and to survive for what??
the answer is Self-Respect.. weird?? wrong?? confusing?? maybe true?? absolutely bullshit?? makes some sense??
But yeah, i think we live for self respect.. atleast i do... i wont do anything that wud hurt my self respect.. i shudnt be made to look down upon myself... i shudnt feel that i m letting myself down.. i shudnt do anything that makes me fall in my own sight... thats wot i live for...
i live to preserve my self respect.. i agree i have done stuff b4 which contradicted all this... but i now know wot my purpose of existence is... and i will try to live up to that purpose.. to preserve my self respect...
But then i ask... 'The purposeof life is to preserve self respect' sounds fancy.. we are humans, we have a conscious acknowledgement of self respect.. do the lower organisms have smtn like that?.. they dont have a capacity to acknowledge smtn as self respect... but then they way they live is itself their self respect.. i have heard somewhere that tigers never eat animals which are not killed by them.. is it not a form of self respect?? nature has given them that way.. u may think its stupid an there must be a scientific reason behind that... but thats wot i think...
so finally i have reached a conclusion in a blog.. (desnt happen much).. but i have quoted here:
'The purpose of life is to exist and exist in such a way so as to preserve the self respect'
One day, this wud be cited somewhere as thoughts of great ppl... ;).. an i wud proudly give lectures on this.. (goin off too high am i??)..
anyways think about it... whoever reads this, i wud like comments...
Monday, April 2, 2007
confusion and chaos
This is about confusion... i m a very confused human being... even in simple things i get confused... i am emotionally confused most of the times, so i feel wot i want to feel... i am confused about the future, about my future of course... but then i still manage to find some sense out of it... i see sense in it when many people still think that its confusing...
i am confused but i am never chaotic... i do things systematically at times... i can be very organized at times... but at the core, i am confused... but not chaotic...
i never knew the true meaning of chaos... i still dont know it... i think it has smtn to do with finding some kind of regularity in very random things... now if u ask, how can there be a regularity if its chaotic?.. but i really dont know the meaning.. i jus looked it up... it says the chaotic system appears random due to its sensitivity to initial conditions, ansd some exponential relationship an blah blah blah.. its smtn like, it is always deterministic, but it always appears random....
but then i guess i m chaotic... (see... i m confused..).. cuz even tho i appear confused, random, i m not...
so again a confusing blog i have written.. but try to see some sense in it... cuz there is... an if u find out, tell me also, so i wud know ;)
i am confused but i am never chaotic... i do things systematically at times... i can be very organized at times... but at the core, i am confused... but not chaotic...
i never knew the true meaning of chaos... i still dont know it... i think it has smtn to do with finding some kind of regularity in very random things... now if u ask, how can there be a regularity if its chaotic?.. but i really dont know the meaning.. i jus looked it up... it says the chaotic system appears random due to its sensitivity to initial conditions, ansd some exponential relationship an blah blah blah.. its smtn like, it is always deterministic, but it always appears random....
but then i guess i m chaotic... (see... i m confused..).. cuz even tho i appear confused, random, i m not...
so again a confusing blog i have written.. but try to see some sense in it... cuz there is... an if u find out, tell me also, so i wud know ;)
Sunday, April 1, 2007
पाउस
मला आज पाउस पडावा असं वाटत आहे
पाउस... खूप दिवसांनी पडेल असं वाटत आहे... पाउस पडून सगलं धुतलं जावं ... सर्व साफ व्हावं असं वाटते...
the hindi typing on this is too slow... so i will write in english.. i want the rain... i want the rain to wash down everything... wash the past off... let me start a new future... new beginning... but how many times have i wanted this.. everytym something happens to my mood, i cant ask for a new beginning... blues come and go.. i cant ask for the rain everytime... i have to know how to survive without raining... why should i need the rain to wash off my past.. no, i do not need the rain for that, i m able to do it myself, thank you.. thanks for the rain, but no thanks...
and instead of wasting my time writing stupid stuff in blog, i will rather study now, i have a shit load of work, i havent studied at all this sem, so goodbye... will study now..
पाउस... खूप दिवसांनी पडेल असं वाटत आहे... पाउस पडून सगलं धुतलं जावं ... सर्व साफ व्हावं असं वाटते...
the hindi typing on this is too slow... so i will write in english.. i want the rain... i want the rain to wash down everything... wash the past off... let me start a new future... new beginning... but how many times have i wanted this.. everytym something happens to my mood, i cant ask for a new beginning... blues come and go.. i cant ask for the rain everytime... i have to know how to survive without raining... why should i need the rain to wash off my past.. no, i do not need the rain for that, i m able to do it myself, thank you.. thanks for the rain, but no thanks...
and instead of wasting my time writing stupid stuff in blog, i will rather study now, i have a shit load of work, i havent studied at all this sem, so goodbye... will study now..
Saturday, March 31, 2007
The inner self
Who is the real me?? am i jus my so called inner self putting up a facade by the name of alok? or am i really a person with two layers of existence?
i will elaborate a bit more about the two layers thing.. long ago when we were doing some experiments with planchetting (i hope u know wot tht is .. talkin to dead spirits etc etc.) i had thought of the two layers an tried to describe y we see stuff in it. The human psyche consists of the conscious and the subconscious... while they cant really be separated, a human being can live with multiple personas in the conscious layer (we call them politicians !! nono, wot i mean is people can put up facades .. but thats not really different personas in a conscious state.. its a deliberated thing.. but i still think a person can live mutiple personas at a conscious level... i think i m confused by now!!) .. but as i was saying, there are two layers of a mind, conscious and subconscious... most of the times, the subconscious is guiding the conscious, telling it wot to do... most of the times... the subconscious is a far more powerful thing than the conscious, an with far less malice... however, it is also beyond the control of the conscious, most of the times... subconscious is wot reaches the nearest to wot is called the soul of a person...
thats my two layers... but then it doesnt define my soul right? soul is something at the core of all this... its the 'atma' .. they say its indestructible...
"nainam cchindanti shastrani, nainam dahati pavakaha,
na chainam kledayantyapo, na shoshayati marutaha."
thts a sanskrit shloka saying that it cannot be cleaved by a weapon, cannot be burned by fire, cannot be soaked by water, cannot be sucked away by wind.. such is the nature of a human soul...it has the ultimate control over everything, eveything wot a person does....but then is it that bad persons, (i mean it as a generic term) have bad souls?? but why would be bad souls produced in the first place??
i believe that no soul is bad.. rather a soul is neither good nor bad, we cant judge it that way... the 'bad' character is in fact generated by defying the ultimate control of the soul.. it begins with defying the control of teh subconscious.. then we graduate to a biased and 'baddened' subconscious... then the ultimate achievment is the throwing off of the control of the soul over wot we do... so, bad people are the real achievers in defeating the soul !!!
but however you try to cheat the soul, it would silently watch and laugh.. because at the end, it decides your fate ryt?? .. all this makes me feel that a human mind, or the human existence is marked by THREE layers.. the conscious, the subconscious, and the soul !!...
i hope by now i have confused you enough.. so think about it... on the conscious level, cuz i alreadu know that on a subconscious level u r already thinkin about it.. ;)
i will elaborate a bit more about the two layers thing.. long ago when we were doing some experiments with planchetting (i hope u know wot tht is .. talkin to dead spirits etc etc.) i had thought of the two layers an tried to describe y we see stuff in it. The human psyche consists of the conscious and the subconscious... while they cant really be separated, a human being can live with multiple personas in the conscious layer (we call them politicians !! nono, wot i mean is people can put up facades .. but thats not really different personas in a conscious state.. its a deliberated thing.. but i still think a person can live mutiple personas at a conscious level... i think i m confused by now!!) .. but as i was saying, there are two layers of a mind, conscious and subconscious... most of the times, the subconscious is guiding the conscious, telling it wot to do... most of the times... the subconscious is a far more powerful thing than the conscious, an with far less malice... however, it is also beyond the control of the conscious, most of the times... subconscious is wot reaches the nearest to wot is called the soul of a person...
thats my two layers... but then it doesnt define my soul right? soul is something at the core of all this... its the 'atma' .. they say its indestructible...
"nainam cchindanti shastrani, nainam dahati pavakaha,
na chainam kledayantyapo, na shoshayati marutaha."
thts a sanskrit shloka saying that it cannot be cleaved by a weapon, cannot be burned by fire, cannot be soaked by water, cannot be sucked away by wind.. such is the nature of a human soul...it has the ultimate control over everything, eveything wot a person does....but then is it that bad persons, (i mean it as a generic term) have bad souls?? but why would be bad souls produced in the first place??
i believe that no soul is bad.. rather a soul is neither good nor bad, we cant judge it that way... the 'bad' character is in fact generated by defying the ultimate control of the soul.. it begins with defying the control of teh subconscious.. then we graduate to a biased and 'baddened' subconscious... then the ultimate achievment is the throwing off of the control of the soul over wot we do... so, bad people are the real achievers in defeating the soul !!!
but however you try to cheat the soul, it would silently watch and laugh.. because at the end, it decides your fate ryt?? .. all this makes me feel that a human mind, or the human existence is marked by THREE layers.. the conscious, the subconscious, and the soul !!...
i hope by now i have confused you enough.. so think about it... on the conscious level, cuz i alreadu know that on a subconscious level u r already thinkin about it.. ;)
Friday, March 30, 2007
I am because i think
What is thinking? its the most complicated physiological process ever. can lower organisms think? they can judge the circumstances and react .. but is it thinkin? if i react to a hot object (object), is that thinking? i guess not.. But then wot is thinking... i think wot lower organisms do is to percieve, not really think.. its a reflex which is formed due to completion of a circuit inside their brains (or neural ganglia as my sister tells me).. so its not thinking..
We are special beacuse we think !.. if u see, we also have networks of neurons an stuff like tht... may be our networks are more complicated... but they still are a physical phenomenon.. and thinking is a consequence of a higher complexity of neural networks.. but then wot makes humans think and not say chimpanzees?? their networks are somewhat lesser complex than ours.. but are they that less complex?? to make humans so unpredictable and them so predictable?? wot is it that really makes us think?? a few thousands of neurons?? then if that is possible, why do we have a choice at all to think or not to think.. monkeys dont have a choice... we do.. y??
We are special beacuse we think !.. if u see, we also have networks of neurons an stuff like tht... may be our networks are more complicated... but they still are a physical phenomenon.. and thinking is a consequence of a higher complexity of neural networks.. but then wot makes humans think and not say chimpanzees?? their networks are somewhat lesser complex than ours.. but are they that less complex?? to make humans so unpredictable and them so predictable?? wot is it that really makes us think?? a few thousands of neurons?? then if that is possible, why do we have a choice at all to think or not to think.. monkeys dont have a choice... we do.. y??
A little something
This is from the book 'the virtue of selfishness' by Ayn Rand
"Nothing is given to man on earth except a potential and the material on which to actualize it. The potential is a superlative machine, his consciousness; but it is a machine without a spark plug, a machine of which his own will has to be the spark plug, the self starter and the driver. He has to discover how to use it and he has to keep it in constant action. The material is the whole of the universe, with no limits set ti the knowledge he can acquire and to the enjoyment of life he can achieve. But everything he needs or desires has to be learned, discovered and produced by him, by his own choice, by his own effort; by his own mind"
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Reason for the name
HeLLBouND but still divine!
Why this name? people have their own nicks.. this used to be my original CS nick, an it still is (Though, my current one is Phantom)
Theres smtn abt this nick tht describes smtn abt me i think..
donno wot tht is.. but theres smtn..
lets see if i can find out..
but i was so fascinated abt this invention of mine.. there has to be something.. let me think over it for a few days an get back to u..
bye
Why this name? people have their own nicks.. this used to be my original CS nick, an it still is (Though, my current one is Phantom)
Theres smtn abt this nick tht describes smtn abt me i think..
donno wot tht is.. but theres smtn..
lets see if i can find out..
but i was so fascinated abt this invention of mine.. there has to be something.. let me think over it for a few days an get back to u..
bye
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I feel good
Finally after many days i feel good..
i m over a lot of things , having a great chat with a friend.. an i feel great..
i feel re-energized, motivated..
no more stagnant.. no more lonely.. no more dark... but i feel good..
i m over a lot of things , having a great chat with a friend.. an i feel great..
i feel re-energized, motivated..
no more stagnant.. no more lonely.. no more dark... but i feel good..
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Delhi Trip!!
i had gone for a conference in Delhi last week, an the trip turned out to be pretty boring. Instead of getting a nice break from the boring routine, it was almost a disaster. I knew i shud hv gone for maiden concert!!
But, i learned a few things, a lot of things.
1) i never knew tht i wud became a victim of herd mentality. tht turned out to be a huge mistake. Instead of standing along somebody i care abt, i chose to be in a group. A group that i didnt want to be with in the first place. I chose that because, if i hadnt, i wud have been alone. But for a little thing like that, i let down somebody of a great importance to me. someone who knew that i wud stand along with her. I am very very sorry for doing tht.
2) i came to know about the true nature of a lot of people. And, after that, the list of people i trust has been shortened. i have started trustin people less and less. I now know who talks behind somebody's back, and who doesnt. I know about fake egos, and true egos.
Anywyas, it turned out to be an eventful trip... an it wud be recorded as a sad memory in my hard disk..
Bye
But, i learned a few things, a lot of things.
1) i never knew tht i wud became a victim of herd mentality. tht turned out to be a huge mistake. Instead of standing along somebody i care abt, i chose to be in a group. A group that i didnt want to be with in the first place. I chose that because, if i hadnt, i wud have been alone. But for a little thing like that, i let down somebody of a great importance to me. someone who knew that i wud stand along with her. I am very very sorry for doing tht.
2) i came to know about the true nature of a lot of people. And, after that, the list of people i trust has been shortened. i have started trustin people less and less. I now know who talks behind somebody's back, and who doesnt. I know about fake egos, and true egos.
Anywyas, it turned out to be an eventful trip... an it wud be recorded as a sad memory in my hard disk..
Bye
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
My attempts at poetry
This is supposed to be a tale of a brave warrior, who fights a valiant battle, eager to go home. But when he reaches home, he finds that everything that belonged to him is destroyed.
Standing in the battlefield,
(with) a long sword and a brnze shield,
he thought,
oh death! i shall defy you, if you seek me,
for i have to go home, home to my lovely bride
i shall keep leving for her,
i shall fight you, if you may come
with this thought, he battled on,
cutting through the enemy, putting fear into their minds,....
to be continued..
(It sounds like a desperate attempt at rhyming words)
Standing in the battlefield,
(with) a long sword and a brnze shield,
he thought,
oh death! i shall defy you, if you seek me,
for i have to go home, home to my lovely bride
i shall keep leving for her,
i shall fight you, if you may come
with this thought, he battled on,
cutting through the enemy, putting fear into their minds,....
to be continued..
(It sounds like a desperate attempt at rhyming words)
Monday, March 12, 2007
Depression is addictive, they say
I have heard somebody say this, or read it somewhere that depression is addictive.
An from my experience, it is.
Why should depression be addictive? it is supposed to be bad, right? wot does a human being gain by being depressed?? as far as i know, no physical soothing, or no comfort, nor physical nor mental. It doesnt offer even a moment's relief, like say cigarette, or a drink (Not that i have experienced these). So, wot does depression have in it that makes it so addictive??
And as usual, i started a wild journey of random thoughts, an it struck me.
When u r depressed, u tend to be alone, lonely (atleast i do).. u try to avoid human contact, especially if the people around you are ready to judge you, or comment unnecessarily, or plain irritating. An by doing so, (called as being depressed), you are actually giving yourself time. This is a much needed thing, an which has become a bit rare nowadays. And because we are relieved by giving ourselves time, we tend to repeat that. Sorta like, we try to be in the company we like... Depression becomes addictive when we like our own company, and according to me it is completely justified (not tht i need to). But i think being depressed has nothing to do with being happy. I can be happy and depressed (the classical definition) at the same time, most of the times i am that way.
Especially chai, and nobody to talk to is like a bliss in the current times. it gives me time to reflect upon things i hv done, to think about a days events. To think!
bye
An from my experience, it is.
Why should depression be addictive? it is supposed to be bad, right? wot does a human being gain by being depressed?? as far as i know, no physical soothing, or no comfort, nor physical nor mental. It doesnt offer even a moment's relief, like say cigarette, or a drink (Not that i have experienced these). So, wot does depression have in it that makes it so addictive??
And as usual, i started a wild journey of random thoughts, an it struck me.
When u r depressed, u tend to be alone, lonely (atleast i do).. u try to avoid human contact, especially if the people around you are ready to judge you, or comment unnecessarily, or plain irritating. An by doing so, (called as being depressed), you are actually giving yourself time. This is a much needed thing, an which has become a bit rare nowadays. And because we are relieved by giving ourselves time, we tend to repeat that. Sorta like, we try to be in the company we like... Depression becomes addictive when we like our own company, and according to me it is completely justified (not tht i need to). But i think being depressed has nothing to do with being happy. I can be happy and depressed (the classical definition) at the same time, most of the times i am that way.
Especially chai, and nobody to talk to is like a bliss in the current times. it gives me time to reflect upon things i hv done, to think about a days events. To think!
bye
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Raindrops keep falling on my head
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'
So I just did me some talkin' to the sun
And I said I didn't like the way he got things done
Sleepin' on the job
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'
But there's one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me
-Song by B J Thomas
So simple, yet so hard!
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'
So I just did me some talkin' to the sun
And I said I didn't like the way he got things done
Sleepin' on the job
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'
But there's one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me
-Song by B J Thomas
So simple, yet so hard!
Saturday, February 24, 2007
CS!
CS .. dont know wots in the game which jus urges me to keep playing... every game is a new episode... i think it is the morbid, cruel nature of the game which is so binding.. u jus tend to stick ryt in front of the comp an shoot good or bad guys... jus plain shooting... nice way to take anger out...
like yesterday, we played CS from 7 in the evenin till 430 in the morning, with breaks needed for physical stress... may be its jus the plain lack of emotion while playing the game that makes it so fascinating..
HeLLBouND !!!!!!!
like yesterday, we played CS from 7 in the evenin till 430 in the morning, with breaks needed for physical stress... may be its jus the plain lack of emotion while playing the game that makes it so fascinating..
HeLLBouND !!!!!!!
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Stagnant
Stagnant !! one word, one state... converts the great force of clear, flowing water into a useless entity with things growing, things creeping all over... Stagnation just wastes the water.... its water without a purpose... well, the purpose it serves is to support other things growing in it.. it may be helping others, but it loses its capacity to be clear, to be 'nirmal'.. to flow, to produce the same magic..
Stagnant mind also loses its ability to think , to think clearly.. it doesnt have the brazenness of flowing water.. it lacks the sheer brilliance... the creativity of a stagnant mind is only like stagnant water, helping the weeds to grow.... 'empty mind is a devil's workshop' .. so true... so true... an empty or a stagnant mind loses the human spirit of purity..
Right now thts what my mind has become... STAGNANT... i can see the weeds growing, i can see the things creeping in the deep.. i cant see the bottom.. i have lost the purity.. But it shall come back... the only way to clear the stagnation of pond, is to let teh water flow... the water has to be out of pond... (I have to be out of my mind??).. but thats exactly what i need.. i need to be out of my mind!...
Stagnant mind also loses its ability to think , to think clearly.. it doesnt have the brazenness of flowing water.. it lacks the sheer brilliance... the creativity of a stagnant mind is only like stagnant water, helping the weeds to grow.... 'empty mind is a devil's workshop' .. so true... so true... an empty or a stagnant mind loses the human spirit of purity..
Right now thts what my mind has become... STAGNANT... i can see the weeds growing, i can see the things creeping in the deep.. i cant see the bottom.. i have lost the purity.. But it shall come back... the only way to clear the stagnation of pond, is to let teh water flow... the water has to be out of pond... (I have to be out of my mind??).. but thats exactly what i need.. i need to be out of my mind!...
Saturday, February 17, 2007
in loving memory
Thanks for all you've done
I've missed you for so long
I can't believe you're gone
You still live in me
I feel you in the wind
You guide me constantly
I've never knew what it was to be alone, no
Cause you´re always there for me
You´re always home waiting
And now I come home and I miss your face oh
Smiling down on meI close my eyes to see
And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me!!
I carry the things that remind me of you
In loving memory of
The one that was so true
You were as kind as you could be
And even though you're gone
You still mean the world to me
I've never knew what it was to be alone, no
Cause you´re always there for me
You´re always home waiting
But now I come home and it's not the same, no
Feels empty and alone
I can't believe you're gone
And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me
I'm glad He set you free from sorrow
I'll still love you more tomorrow
And you'll be with me still
All you did you did with feeling
And you always found the meaning
And you always will
And you always will
And you always will!
And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me
this is a song called 'in loving memory' by alter bridge
I've missed you for so long
I can't believe you're gone
You still live in me
I feel you in the wind
You guide me constantly
I've never knew what it was to be alone, no
Cause you´re always there for me
You´re always home waiting
And now I come home and I miss your face oh
Smiling down on meI close my eyes to see
And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me!!
I carry the things that remind me of you
In loving memory of
The one that was so true
You were as kind as you could be
And even though you're gone
You still mean the world to me
I've never knew what it was to be alone, no
Cause you´re always there for me
You´re always home waiting
But now I come home and it's not the same, no
Feels empty and alone
I can't believe you're gone
And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me
I'm glad He set you free from sorrow
I'll still love you more tomorrow
And you'll be with me still
All you did you did with feeling
And you always found the meaning
And you always will
And you always will
And you always will!
And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me
this is a song called 'in loving memory' by alter bridge
Thursday, February 8, 2007
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
I am angry.. very angry at the moment.. Angry at the whole world... angry at people trying to tell me wot to do.. angry at being judged by people, who are inferior... angry because of the compromises... angry of the way things are goin.. angry at every damned thing.. jus plain ANGRY... FUCKIN ANGRY
I am angry.. very angry at the moment.. Angry at the whole world... angry at people trying to tell me wot to do.. angry at being judged by people, who are inferior... angry because of the compromises... angry of the way things are goin.. angry at every damned thing.. jus plain ANGRY... FUCKIN ANGRY
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Game of life and love
Life is a game!! sounds very philosphical doesnt it?? may be this sentence is so overly used, that it has lost its true meaning.
But, i recently refreshed my knowledge on game theory, an then as usual started thinking, whoever said this sentence must hv been a genius or drunk or both!!
In a pure game theory view, life IS a game, there are decisions to make, there are payoffs, lessons to be learnt, there are strategies to plan. But game theory can not explain the variation due to one factor "Human psyche", which is so wonderfully weird, so strange at times, so predictable sometimes. But no ones ever been able to explain it. The people who tried to explain human psyche met failure at the most gigantic hurdle we can say, that is LOVE!!
Is love really that hard to explain philosophically?? Pure love should not be difficult to explain at all, it pure illogic, pure tendency of doing things for one cause, pure madness, its not unpredictable...
However, a feeling which is not pure love, (it may be close to it) is much more difficult to explain.
In pure love, there is only one 'strategy'... that is to think about maximizing the other '"player's" payoffs... however, people lose in pure love, because its not an ESS !!!!!!!..
This is the most anti-romantic things anybody has said so far i guess... Hope my future girlfriend doesnt read this !!
Bye for now,, but i'll be back
But, i recently refreshed my knowledge on game theory, an then as usual started thinking, whoever said this sentence must hv been a genius or drunk or both!!
In a pure game theory view, life IS a game, there are decisions to make, there are payoffs, lessons to be learnt, there are strategies to plan. But game theory can not explain the variation due to one factor "Human psyche", which is so wonderfully weird, so strange at times, so predictable sometimes. But no ones ever been able to explain it. The people who tried to explain human psyche met failure at the most gigantic hurdle we can say, that is LOVE!!
Is love really that hard to explain philosophically?? Pure love should not be difficult to explain at all, it pure illogic, pure tendency of doing things for one cause, pure madness, its not unpredictable...
However, a feeling which is not pure love, (it may be close to it) is much more difficult to explain.
In pure love, there is only one 'strategy'... that is to think about maximizing the other '"player's" payoffs... however, people lose in pure love, because its not an ESS !!!!!!!..
This is the most anti-romantic things anybody has said so far i guess... Hope my future girlfriend doesnt read this !!
Bye for now,, but i'll be back
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Zinda
It was a silent, lonely evening, i was sittin of the sofa reading stephen king, worrying about a million things. A whole lotta thoughts creating a whirlpool in my mind. I was merely skimmin the surface, but then i got more an more into it, an soon the stephen king book was forgotten.
I started thinking, y do i call myself a human being?? wot is there in me which is not there in a teacup, in a computer, or even in the robot sunny from "I, robot". As i was thinking, my confusion increased like anything, an it was a mess. Then i thought, i hv got better things to worry about, an started listenin to songs instead (Absurd flow of thoughts i think). An miraculously the first song i heard was Yeh hai meri kahani by strings. An as i went along the song, it turned out to clear my confusion somewot.
"Chubhte kaante yaadonke, daaman se chunta hun,
girti diwaaronke aanchal me zinda hun."
"Ek yaar hai dil ki dhadkan,
apne chahaat ka eilaan kiye jaati hai,
zindagi hai jo jiye jaati hai,
khoon ke ghoont piye jaati hai,
kaanto se khwab siye jaati hai"
Its not the fact that we can survive in any kind of conditions, it not the perseverence, its not the desire to live that makes us humans. It is not why we live in such conditions, it is how we live which makes us humans. We can make those conditions make us survive, where simply defying them is the road. Its not the ability to survive when theres a ray of hope, its the ability that, we can defy the ray of hope, and manufacture our own light to guide us.
Me thinks this is weird, but thts wot i thought.
I started thinking, y do i call myself a human being?? wot is there in me which is not there in a teacup, in a computer, or even in the robot sunny from "I, robot". As i was thinking, my confusion increased like anything, an it was a mess. Then i thought, i hv got better things to worry about, an started listenin to songs instead (Absurd flow of thoughts i think). An miraculously the first song i heard was Yeh hai meri kahani by strings. An as i went along the song, it turned out to clear my confusion somewot.
"Chubhte kaante yaadonke, daaman se chunta hun,
girti diwaaronke aanchal me zinda hun."
"Ek yaar hai dil ki dhadkan,
apne chahaat ka eilaan kiye jaati hai,
zindagi hai jo jiye jaati hai,
khoon ke ghoont piye jaati hai,
kaanto se khwab siye jaati hai"
Its not the fact that we can survive in any kind of conditions, it not the perseverence, its not the desire to live that makes us humans. It is not why we live in such conditions, it is how we live which makes us humans. We can make those conditions make us survive, where simply defying them is the road. Its not the ability to survive when theres a ray of hope, its the ability that, we can defy the ray of hope, and manufacture our own light to guide us.
Me thinks this is weird, but thts wot i thought.
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