The butterfly effect??

Hello people,

i am back after a long time. this blogging had become redundant for me, an i was losing the effect of that.. so took a break from that.. now i m back..
I have experienced a huge change in life over the past few months, an sure as hell its gonna affect my exams.. adversely.
When i look back at the last semester (being a student, the unit of time for me is a semester), i say to myself, what did i gain and wot did i lose.. well a lot of things both ways..

Lets review the last semester (This is a critical point in the blog, those who want to stop reading, stop right here...)..

It began very well.. i developed new habits of jogging and blogging.. i was reading stuff, books, papers, with a great interest, my thought process was continually running.. then i got my laptop, these reading etc things were even faster and better now.. life seemed well-set.. no hassles, i was sure that i was on the right track..

Then the road became bumpy and bumpier.. dont know why.. may be because i paid too much attention in wots the effect of other people on me.. i should have been detached.. i was in the beginning.. but i got entagled into mess everywhere.. that was my own foolishness.. i paid too much attention to my heart, than my brain.. i did a lot of talking - waste of course... and soon my academics suffered.. i started losing interest in the course work.. i got rejected at several places for summer training and i realized that i m nowhere.. i am a succesful nobody

then just when i thought that the road is getting better, i hit a roadblock.. my life suddenly was turned to black.. that was when the whole delhi trip happened.. i lost all the respect for myself.. an believe me there is nothing worse than that.. it sorta eats you from the inside.. the delhi trip really exposed my flaws, my own weakness.. and the greatest weakness of all was that i allowed myself to be weak..

After the trip, i set my feelings aside, and started afresh.. caught on with my course work.. i was working at a good pace.. and i knew if i stopped, it would take me a long time to get back on my feet.. but was i wary?.. i was.. but i still stopped.. knowing that it would be detrimental.. i still stopped..

when i stopped.. i became the rabbit in the race.. i stopped in the hope of something, i faced rejection there too.. an believe me, that was bad.. i not only became the loser rabbit, but a roasted one... now the song black made sense .. it made all the sense..

I suffered losses everywhere.. my exams were bad.. my mental and physical state worsened.. and my depressions no longer remained times-with-my-own-self ... they were real depressions.. mental and physical.. and they proved to be addictive, once again exposing my weak self.. i never regained the lost respect, instead i lost it further more.. then i wrote the stupid post 'the awakening'.. it turned out to be very prematurely written.. that wasnt my real awakening.. thses things arent like that.. i cant face that much of a change overnight.. it has to be gradual..

But even after that, the road wasnt much worse.. it was better than wot i had before.. but it got better... now its much better.. i am experiencing the real awakening.. i am scientifically more active, indulging in other things than my own stupid thoughts.. did a great summe training.. so i m much more on the track.. so lets say i m better off now..

but i still know that i am goin to experience the consequences of the last semester.. they are gonna be bad.. but i am raedy to face them.. I know the real meaning of the term 'the butterfly effect'..