Hello,

Hvnt been online much.. (well atleast on the blogger).. been busy with US applications... SOP, recos, univ shortlistings, transcripts etc etc... dint get much time to write anything.. which brings us to the topic of this post.

See, in the last yr, when i was teaching GRE maths to a girl, i never thought tht i myself wud give GRE an all.. but somehow i went through the pipeline.. (i m not regretting it at all)..
an then when actually i realized tht after all the prepn, (if i get thru), i wud be goin to US for my PhD, it was a different feeling... the same thingn i.e. goin to US for phd.. was different when i casually talked abt it, an now when i m actually preparing for it, its a whole new thing.
A long time ago, in say 7-8th std, i had read a poem, marathi one.. called साग़रास.. by Swatantryaveer sawarkar. i remember the words :

गुण-सुमने मी वेचियली या भावे , कि तिने सुगंधा घ्यावे
जरी उद्धरणी व्यय न तिच्या हो साचा , हा व्यर्थ भार विद्येचा

These are the words which continuously keep coming to my mind. Not that i have already gone an cant return.. but still there is a feeling something like that...

Am i doing the right thing? am i leaving the country, leaving my family, leaving the place where i belong? What is the reason tht i m so much motivated to go to US? is it the same feeling as conveyed by these words (from the same poem)?:

मज वदलासी अन्य देशी चल जाऊ , स्रृष्टिची विविधता पाहू ॥
तंइ जननी ह्रं विरह शंकित हि झाले, परि तुंवा वचन तिज दिधले ॥
मार्गज्ञ स्वये मीच पृष्ठी वाहीन, त्वरितया परत आणीन ॥
विश्वसलो या तव वचनी मी,
जगदनुभव योगे बनुनी मी,
तव अधिक शक्त उद्धरणी मी, ॥

येइन त्वरे कथुन सोडिले तिजला, सागरा प्राण तळमळला, तळमळला सागरा ॥

I am worried that its a similar feeling tht i m experiencing..

dont know wot to do now.. lets see.. will think more abt it..

till then goodbye

-Alok