Vindication

For those of you who have read my last poem, 'defeat', it was about science defeating me in the battle. However i didnt lose hope and kept on fighting. And it paid off.

When i wrote the poem, i had just come across yet another failed experiment, the same one for which i have been trying to get a positive result since an year ago. But last week, i finally got it. And that is vindication for me...

That also reminded me why i am in science. The exhilaration i experienced after looking at that piece of gel was exactly the thing i was fighting for. One small gel at the end of the day and that relieved the stress i was going through for the last few months. That is what science is about. I always like saying this 'If everything works for the first time, then a paper would be written in 6 months. But behind every figure in a paper, there are atleast a few failed experiments'. I experienced this firsthand. It is the one experiment which works and kicks off a whole series of further experiments that one always hopes for.

So with that feeling in mind, i am writing this, not only to remind myself of this in future when i am struggling to get experiments working, but also for my fellow  men and women who have taken the challenge of science.

At the same time, as i said in my poem, science is saying to me 'You may have won the battle, but not yet the war'

So long

Defeat

I lay down my weapons today
Sweat on brow and blood on sword
In front of the familiar foe
Reminding me how much it cost

My eyes flaming, matching his,
With vengeance in mind I tell him,
"I might have lost the battle,
But the war is not yet lost"

Life out of a laundry basket

You can't tell the difference between new and clean clothes and old and muddled clothes when you live life out of a laundry basket.


-This thought is inspired and contributed to by Ragini

Happy Independence Day

Happy Independence Day

I am writing this blog as we all celebrate 63rd anniversary of the India's independence.

As the day goes on and i read various facebook statuses, including mine, i am thinking... And i can't help notice a few things.

I know a lot of people who have come here to the US to study or to work. I know some of them will go back to India, most of them will end up staying here - on a green card and get a citizenship eventually. And they will be good American citizens and will go back to India once a year to visit their family. Now i don't see anything wrong with that - it's a personal choice.

If you ask me whether i want to do that? My answer right now is: No. Don't get me wrong, i like living in the states, the material comforts, the individual freedom. But i still want to go back.

I came here to do a PhD.. why didn't i stay in India? Because the opportunities there were limited and i wanted to make myself better at research and start a career in science in a place where they are not limited. So i came to the US. Did i find my dreams coming true? Yes, i joined a university and a lab where i can do the research i want, without a lot of obligations and limitations. I enjoy the freedom, i enjoy the healthy competition, i enjoy the opportunities.

Now ask me why i want to go back when i know i will be "downgrading" from these if i go back. The answer is: I moved to the US because i saw a potential to freely express my  scientist side. But what about other kids in India who couldn't? I went to a place to seek something from a place lacking it. Why shouldn't i bring it back to my home? I am going to go back and eventually have an institute of my own, where i will give my students the same opportunities, the same freedom as i found.

When i see people commenting on the system being screwed up, and thats why they are staying back in the US, i always shake my head. I think, if you are so critical of the system, why not try and change it? Not everyone has to change it by being a politician, or being an IAS/IPS officer. Not everyone has to get sucked into the system. Why can't everyone think of one area they want to improve and work on it?

E.g. I was not satisfied with the science-research system in India, so after gaining some experience in both science and scientific culture, i want to go back and instil some of the positive values i learned into the Indian system.

Well, this is just food for thought. The question I am asking is:

'Do you want to be a deserter and escape from sufferings of your fellow men; or do you want to be Prometheus who brought fire to the mankind'

The wait

The wait,
Like the long road before you reach home;
You can see the city lights, but from far
Yet you yearn to go faster..

The wait,
Knowing very well that time doesn't
Hoping that it will go like a shooting star,
Yet the heart beats for her..

The wait,
Distance makes hearts grow fonder
They say, and even though you are far,
Love will never wither..

The wait,
You keep wondering when is the time
One last time, to turn around that sand-jar,
Till it's almost over

Evanescent

You vanish everytime i reach out, giving just a faint glimpse
Just like the brush of lips before a fleeting kiss
Every glance i try to steal, further you move away, but i look everywhere
Every hint i send, you defy it, but i know you are there somewhere
Oh ever-evading one, please have mercy and show thyself,
So that i can connect and log-in myself

This is a poem inspired by the flaky wi-fi at Dubai airport.

Home

A new place in a new world
A place to hold on to
A place to come back to
A silent refuge
A social hub
A consolation in the dark
A celebration of light
A quiet relaxation
A flurry of excitement
A harbor of thought
A sink for grief
A bed to crash on
A bed to be sleepless on
A place that i owned
A place i called home


This is a tribute to Weyburn Terrace, Cypress court Apt 404, my apartment in Los Angeles for the last almost 2 years. It was my first home here and will always have a place in my heart.

Goodbye