And the curtain went down

It has been more than six months since i moved to LA. Six months since i left the world in Pune and endeavored in a new world here in LA. In all these days i missed everything that made me belong to that world. I have never articulated it until now.

I remember the day i left Pune... seeing all the family members for the last time for a long time.. I remember how everyone was at home, to say goodbye to me. I remember the sudden tears that sprung up in my mawshi's eyes when she was leavin after sayin goodbye, knowing that she is not going to see me again for a long time. I remember me trying not to show any emotions on my face. I was sure that if i show even the slightest hint of a teardrop in my eye, all my beloved would join me in crying. I remember how i struggled to keep still, keep my face clear of emotions. Even though i felt all those emotions, i managed to conceal them. I remember the awkward pause, a pregnant silence when i was all set to leave the doorstep. I remember how i touched the feet of all the elders. I remember how i went downstairs to kaku's place to pray in front of the family gods. I remember the emotion that was swelling in my mind as i did these things. I remember seeing my house till it disappeared from the view as i went away. I remember sayin goodbye to Swati before leaving. I remember the same awkward pause before both of us bade a hurried farewell, hurried in the fear of revealing any emotions. I remember traveling on the expressway, as i waved a mental goodbye to my beloved city. I remember sitting in Kamat restaurant, eating my last meal with my family for a long time. I remember trying to keep the mood as light as possible. I remember my dad, mom and sister trying the same. I remember standing outside the airport terminal, silently contemplating the journey i was about to embark upon. I remember meeting two old friends there, and feeling relieved at the fact that there would be something to talk about while we wait there. I rememeber sayin bye to them, with butterflies in my stomach as i prepared for the last farewell. I remember being in two minds about entering the terminal; should i hurry and get this goodbye over with before i change my mind about leaving.. or should i try to spend as much time as possible with my family before i have to say goodbye.

I remember when it was finally time for me to enter the terminal. I remember my dad's hand on my shoulder, slightly shaking and at the same time trying to hind the shaking. I remember the look on my sister's face that was asking, 'do you absolutely have to leave?'.I remember the tears that sprung up in my mom's eyes, so similar to that of my mawshi's. I remember bending down to touch their feet, seeking comfort in the fact that it made me avoid looking into their eyes. I remember feeling that if i looked into their eyes a moment too soon, i might not be able to leave. I remember the heavy trolley with my luggage that i dragged to the gate, preparing for that final glimpse that i would have of them. I remember looking back at them from the door. I remember the expressions on their faces. My dad showing unmistakable support, while i knew that he would not show any other emotion, atleast not to me. My mom teary-eyed, worried for her son, and how he will survive the world out there. My sister showing unfathomable expression. After so many years, it was still unfathomable. I saw sadness, happiness, support all at the same time in that. I remember the hardest part of all this.. to break the picture in front of me and to go ahead with my journey.

I remember calling them as i finished checking in. I remember them waving at me through the glass, all of us having accepted the fact that i am leaving. I remember seeing them through the glass for the last time before i entered the immigration zone. My mind remarkably clear at that moment. I remember the sadness being replaced by excitement, apprehension and relief at the same time. I remember talking to my cousins over the phone as i sat awaiting the boarding call. I remember talking to swati over the phone as i knew she was probably going through the same emotions, albeit with a lag of few hours. I remember casually sms-ing with my dad about some guy who looked like hannibal lecter. I remember him asking me if his favourite dish was 'bheja fry'. I remember feeling that despite the distance, nothing is going to change. I remember boarding the plane and feeling for one last time that 'is there any chance i could go back to my family right now' and then immediately clearing my mind of that thought. I remember seating in the plane with my luggage securely placed. I remember the plane taking off and me slipping off to sleep, as if the the curtain was lowered the end of the act.




I dont know why i am articulating these thoughts, memories now. I was reading 'Kite Runner' and somehow it made me think of all these things, and i couldnt sleep.

I never realized how much i missed the small things. It was a world, it was my world. But now i must embrace this world which has become mine now. But my world in Pune will be my world, nothing is going to change it. So long ...