Black

Hey...oooh...
Sheets of empty canvas
Untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me
As her body once did
All five horizons
Revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed
Has taken a turn

Ooh and all I taught her was everything
Ooh I know she gave me all that she wore

And now my bitter hands
Chafe beneath the clouds
Of what was everything
Oh the pictures have
All been washed in black
Tattooed everything

I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by Some kids at play
I can feel their laughter
So why do I sear

Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin
Round my head I'm spinning
Oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can, drop away...

And now my bitter hands
Cradle broken glass
Of what was everything
All the pictures had
All been washed in black
Tattooed everything

All the love gone bad
Turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see
All that I am All I'll be...
Yeah Uh huh...uh huh...ooh...

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a sun In somebody else's sky
But why Why Why can't it be
Why can't it be mine (not sure?)





This is a song called Black by Pearl Jam which i hv been listenin to pretty frequently for some days...

Purpose of life

Why do we live in the particular way? what is it that we live for? what is the PURPOSE of what we do?? what is the purpose of life??

As quoted by Agent Smith, the purpose of life is to END.. but i dont agree.... if life was supposed to end an only end, why was it created in the first place? that cant be the purpose of life, the meaning of life itself is contradictory to its purpose.. so to end cant be the purpose of life... if its purpose is to end, it doesnt have a purpose....

But then, if ending is not connected with the purpose of life, why is it so crucial that a life has to end, it absolutely has to.. if to end is not its purpose, why does a life end at all?

i think the purpose of life is to exist.. to exist, to survive... and to survive for what??
the answer is Self-Respect.. weird?? wrong?? confusing?? maybe true?? absolutely bullshit?? makes some sense??

But yeah, i think we live for self respect.. atleast i do... i wont do anything that wud hurt my self respect.. i shudnt be made to look down upon myself... i shudnt feel that i m letting myself down.. i shudnt do anything that makes me fall in my own sight... thats wot i live for...

i live to preserve my self respect.. i agree i have done stuff b4 which contradicted all this... but i now know wot my purpose of existence is... and i will try to live up to that purpose.. to preserve my self respect...

But then i ask... 'The purposeof life is to preserve self respect' sounds fancy.. we are humans, we have a conscious acknowledgement of self respect.. do the lower organisms have smtn like that?.. they dont have a capacity to acknowledge smtn as self respect... but then they way they live is itself their self respect.. i have heard somewhere that tigers never eat animals which are not killed by them.. is it not a form of self respect?? nature has given them that way.. u may think its stupid an there must be a scientific reason behind that... but thats wot i think...


so finally i have reached a conclusion in a blog.. (desnt happen much).. but i have quoted here:

'The purpose of life is to exist and exist in such a way so as to preserve the self respect'


One day, this wud be cited somewhere as thoughts of great ppl... ;).. an i wud proudly give lectures on this.. (goin off too high am i??)..

anyways think about it... whoever reads this, i wud like comments...

confusion and chaos

This is about confusion... i m a very confused human being... even in simple things i get confused... i am emotionally confused most of the times, so i feel wot i want to feel... i am confused about the future, about my future of course... but then i still manage to find some sense out of it... i see sense in it when many people still think that its confusing...

i am confused but i am never chaotic... i do things systematically at times... i can be very organized at times... but at the core, i am confused... but not chaotic...

i never knew the true meaning of chaos... i still dont know it... i think it has smtn to do with finding some kind of regularity in very random things... now if u ask, how can there be a regularity if its chaotic?.. but i really dont know the meaning.. i jus looked it up... it says the chaotic system appears random due to its sensitivity to initial conditions, ansd some exponential relationship an blah blah blah.. its smtn like, it is always deterministic, but it always appears random....

but then i guess i m chaotic... (see... i m confused..).. cuz even tho i appear confused, random, i m not...
so again a confusing blog i have written.. but try to see some sense in it... cuz there is... an if u find out, tell me also, so i wud know ;)

पाउस

मला आज पाउस पडावा असं वाटत आहे
पाउस... खूप दिवसांनी पडेल असं वाटत आहे... पाउस पडून सगलं धुतलं जावं ... सर्व साफ व्हावं असं वाटते...
the hindi typing on this is too slow... so i will write in english.. i want the rain... i want the rain to wash down everything... wash the past off... let me start a new future... new beginning... but how many times have i wanted this.. everytym something happens to my mood, i cant ask for a new beginning... blues come and go.. i cant ask for the rain everytime... i have to know how to survive without raining... why should i need the rain to wash off my past.. no, i do not need the rain for that, i m able to do it myself, thank you.. thanks for the rain, but no thanks...

and instead of wasting my time writing stupid stuff in blog, i will rather study now, i have a shit load of work, i havent studied at all this sem, so goodbye... will study now..