High hopes

This is the story of a PI who was once famous and well funded. But the economic depression and fierce competition drove him to anonymity in the scientific world



High Hopes

beyond the hallway of the lab where we worked when we were young
in a world of westerns and gels
our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary
the ringing of the funding bell had begun

over the long years and down with the money
do they still fund our research?

there was a busy lab that produced good science
(but) publishing before time took our grants away
leaving the myriad of small papers tied us to the ground
to a lab consumed by slow paper-rate

the grass was greener
the lab was richer
with grads surrounded
the science of wonder

looking beyond the reports of the research flowing behind us
to a glimpse of how good was the lab before
steps taken forward but sleepwalking back again
dragged by the force of some bad science

at high point with the research published
we reached the glory that dreamed of stockholm

encumbered forever by poverty and funding decisions
there are projects still unfunded
our weary grads will stray to the horizon
though down this road they have been so many times (lately)

the grass was greener
the lab was richer
the projects were better
the years of wonder
with grads surrounded
the chancellor's prize glowing
the money flowing
the endless grant-giver

forever and ever



Forgive me Pink Floyd... Syd Barrett and Rick Wright RIP (don't let this disturb your peace)

Ramblings

Sleepless night
alone at home with coffee in a mug
talking to no one

reading old chats
going through old posts on blog
nostalgia takes over

revisiting old memories
looking at them from a new perspective
learning about myself

friends - some old some new
some lost in the past - some to be lost in future
memories last nonetheless

relationships
is life worth it without them?
some now past - some not yet present

was it always my fault?
or was it meant to be that way?
would it matter now to find that out?

child with a balloon in hand
excited at first but letting the balloon go
not realizing that its gone

are the bridges burnt?
is the possibility gone for ever?
is the future blank?

new beginnings await
nostalgia - however good it may be, is still past
looking at the road ahead

wish things were different
but would i wish for things to be this way if they were?
grass is always greener

these ramblings of a soul
one day i will look back at them and laugh
till then so long

Comfortably dumb

This is a song sung by a PI when he caught his student fabricating data...

comfortably dumb


hello, hello, hello
is there anybody in there?
why hide if you can hear me,
is there anyone in lab?

come on now,
i hear you're spinning down
i saw your crappy stain,
come on, get up on your feet again

relax?, (yeah right!)
i need some primary data first,
just the basic numbers,
can you show me where it curves?

there is no stain, you are deceiving
a distant spot apprears on the quadrant
they are only coming through in gates
your cells glow?, but i cant see what you're saying

when i was a grad, i had an experiment
my hands felt just like two pipeting tools
now i got that feeling once again
i can't explain, you would not understand
this is not how i am

You have become, comfortably dumb



Ok,
just a little photoshop-trick
there'll be no more graaaaaaant
yeah, i can be a little prick

can you publish?
i dont believe its looking good
that'll keep you going for the year,
cmon its time to work

there is no data, you are procrastinating
a distant hope in your experiments,
you are only coming through in waves,
your lips move, but i cant hear what you're saying

when i was a grad, i caught a cheating kid
out of the paper of his PI
i turned him over, so he's gone
i sure put my finger on that now,
the kid is gone, the papers gone

you have become, comfortably dumb

At the mountain top

Once upon a time, there was a breeze - a delightful, warm gust of air - the Wind
He decided to embark upon a journey - to the tallest of all the mountains he could find
He met the Sun along the way - they became the best of friends
Warm breeze flew through the trees and it was paradise they wished never ends
The Sun and the Wind - seemed unseparable
But the Wind's determination to reach the peak was undefeatable
So he left the Sun alone to continue his quest
Atop the high hills and through the dense forest
As he saw the peak within reach, his joy grew
He sped towards the top, passing mountains as he flew
Exhilarated by his feat, he looked around - victorious and proud
All he saw was cold ice till the horizon and a single black cloud

Home - in a more literary sense

I was in Richmond, CA for a week for some training. And during that week, i realized that i had finally accepted LA as my home. The whole week there, i was a bit uncomfortable, being in a new area, living in a motel. Sleep at night wasnt as great as i normally have. My flight to LA got delayed by an hour, and i was feeling something which i havent felt in a long time - desire to get back home soon. I practically ran form the gate to the airport arrivals area. And when i finally reached home, i felt a sense of security.

Its been almost a year since i moved to LA. But the sense of belonging to my current apartment wasnt quite there. But it is now - too bad that i will move out in a year's time.

Then i realized that how much home, i mean the place you live in is connected to your sense of belonging. In the years that i lived in the 'wada' in Shaniwar Peth, that was my home - until we shifted to a temporary new apartment. The new apartment, for some reason, did not invite that sense of being 'home'. It wasnt until we shifted back to Shaniwar Peth - in a new apartment built over the same place - that i felt this was it. Curiously, architecture wise, or floor plan wise, i liked the temp. apt better - but it wasnt home. I would have thought that being there for three whole years will give me a sense of belonging there - but no, it wasnt quite that way.

And now after almost a year in my current apt in LA - it is home.


As they say - home is where your heart lives - mine lives in Shaniwar Peth, Pune and Westwood, Los Angeles - both places are now 'home'

If only

if only i could paint,
i would have turned my thoughts into colors,

if only i could sing,
all my worries would be songs

if only i could dance,
dance of joy it would have been

if only i could compose,
melodies and harmonies would be my life

if only i was a poet,
my poems would present my agony and my ecstasy

with the longing to express 'me' in these forms, limited only by the inability of my self,
i write these words, since words i can write..

Writers Block

I am facing a writer's block since my last post, well since my post 'black and white' . I have no blog-worthy idea in mind. Even if i have some idea, i am too engrossed in other things so i forget about it in an instant. Moreover, for some reason, my English is going from bad to worse. I think its the American effect. The spoken English (day-to-day) is so bad (read grammatically inaccurate) here, that my english is getting affected. And i think that is adding to my block.

I am writing this blog as a solution for writers block. Shilpa told me this once... When you are suffering from writers block, just write anything that comes to your mind. So i am doing exactly that.

For the past few days, i have been wondering whether doing a PhD is ever going to earn me money. I see my friends here, mostly doing MS, getting jobs already and earning twice as much. Now i am not saying that what i earn is not enough. It is enough, it is enough for me to pay my rent and live comfortably. But its not exactly big bucks. So i am reconsidering PhD, but i know that this reconsideration is shallow. Inside, i know that i want to do a PhD. So there is no question about that.

Recently, I found out that i can listen to radio on iTunes. I found out that there are thousands of radio channels i can listen to. There are 3 hindi channels ! I can listen to all kinds of music on the radio. Its a great thing and i am thoroughly enjoying that.

I am also planning to buy a bike, not a motorcycle, but a regular bicycle. My roommates bike was stolen from campus, so we dont have a bike to use. This is a prob only on weekends, where i used to take the bike to the lab. Now i have to walk :(

I am also growing concerned about my lack of excersize. I am hardly doing any physical excersize nowadays. And that is showing its effects. I should start excersizing regularly.


So.. after this post meant to be a cure on the writer's block, my resolutions are:

Complete the PhD
Listen to radio
Buy a bike
Start excersizing.


Its sunday morning at 845 am, and this is Alok Joglekar. If you are reading this, you are the reader. The block is taking over us and i am your only hope. We will find a way to fight the block and we will survive. This is Alok Joglekar, signing off from the blog.



p.s. I watched T4-salvation a couple of days back.