Oh Life

Life is strange.. how it gives highs and lows at the same time..

Today for example,

• I was felicitated by the vice chancellor of our university for my achievements. - high point
• Our own director mis pronounced my name as 'Amol' and it was so humiliating, especially in front of everyone in IBB and in front of press - low point
• I was happy cuz my photo is gonna appear in the papers tomorrow along with two other guys from my class - high point
• When i went to make copies of their photos, i made someone wait and she got upset - low point
• Everyone at home is very happy and proud of me - high point
• I just realized that i m of no importance to a person who i thought was the closest to me - low point
• Tomorrow, many people are gonna call me to congratulate and tell me that they are proud of me - high point
• The entire thing is ruined for me as i have realized that i m a nobody - low point

How am i supposed to feel, please someone tell me...

i am feeling extremely humiliated and un-important.. the only person i thought who actually cared for me, i know that its not the case anymore.. nobody told me "its alright, such things happen.. dont be humiliated, its jus a mispronunciation.. everyone knew that it was you, your achievements.. dont let your joy be spoiled bcuz of the mistake".. my humiliation means nothing to anyone.. i dont blame them at all.. y shud anyone else care about wot i m feeling? i am the sole master of my feelings...

I am feeling happy too.. i was finally recognized as someone who had achieved something... i am proud of myself... my parents are very proud of me.. I feel that finally i accomplished something..

tell me, what exactly should i feel??

oh life.. please dont make this road a rollercoaster ride... i knw i have to endure good and bad...
but atleast dont leave me confused like i was today...

I will take wotever comes my way with my arms wide open... but if i dont know wot i embrace, that leaves me empty handed nevertheless..

Leavin on a jet plane

Hello,

i have been away for a very long time.. did'nt feel like writing anything.. u knw.. one of those periods when u dont want to be there, or u wish u were miraculously absent from the world..



Its around 50 days for me to leave india an start a new life in LA. The feeling that i m leaving is sinking in.. i m leaving my beloved ones.



some.. i know i'm gonna come back after a finite time..

some.. i dont know whether i'll be seeing them again in life..



I dont know whether that feeling will be reciprocated or not.. i wish it'd be.. but i know that, some people may be wanting to break those bonds.. it saddens me that i could'nt build stronger bonds.. somewhere along the way, i acted in some way that caused the bonds to get weaker.. I hope i do not make similar mistakes in future..



I am going to miss some of my friends dearly...

I hope life in LA forebodes well for me...

What has happened to the world

A few situations from recent times:

1) In mumbai, Raj Thakre and MNS members are trying to raise a voice against all non-marathi people (This is an understatement). They are turning this so called 'aandolan' against non-marathi people into some kind of a genocide. They are complaining that non-marathi people are trying to usurp positions of power from marathi people.

2) In a certain lab, a stupid, junior, inexperienced person is getting a higher position than a talented and experience person may be because of internal politics.

3) People in US and other countries complain about people from india, china taking their jobs at call centers.

Is it surprising to find these situations logically absurd?

Are talent, ability, sincerity no longer looked upon as the criteria for selection on a job?

When a person who doesnt deserve something doesnt get it, is violence the only way to act on it?
Why cant someone jus think of it in a different way an say that probably i was not fit to do that job, or i lacked certain abilities required for it and say that i will improve and then try again..

what has happened to this world? or was it that way an i jus realized it?

HIstory Repeats Itself !!

Hello people,

Perhaps it is an unfortunate coincidence attached with my blogging, or its an indication of the well known fact - history repeats itself.

One year ago, i started blogging and jogging. One of my earliest posts was on Saddam Hussain's trial and hanging. Its been one year since Saddam died. An now, after one year, one more political leader, Benazir Bhutto was killed (27th Dec). And coincidentally i have started jogging again !

When Saddam was hanged, i had commented that 'the unusually rapid trial and conviction may be due to USA's fear of him rebounding back to a position of power in iraq. US didnt want that, and hence the trial'.

Now that Benazir was killed in such a brutal manner with the elections in Pakistan so close, it indeed is very thought provoking. First of all, elections in Pakistan are ..well.. cant find a proper word for it.. so lets say rare. With two of the former leaders Nawaz Sharif and Benazir Bhutto returning to Pakistan with the elections in mind, the killing seems to be a brute force way to eliminate competition. But, is it so?

These are some of my views on the possible motives behind it (Separated by OR):

1) Its a brute force way to eliminate competition, used by Mr Musharraf ?. But the killings really endanger his own public profile. Or is it going to be an opportunity for Mr Mush to postpone the elections indefinitely and declare emergency again? OR lets say by other political leaders, not only Mush. Was this a way to turn the elections into a blood feud?

2) Is there a hidden US motive behind it? Mr Mush has put Pakistan in a much better position with the US with his statesmanship. All the stuff on fighting the war against terror, the no use of nuclear arsenal strategy etc etc have him in good books with US. So does US want to use Mr Mush as its puppet and to maintain him in power, they are ready to kill the opposing leaders?

3) Is it really some terrorist organization who plans to bring anarchy in Pakistan and to gain control, like taliban did in Afganistan. There have been murder attempts at Sharif and Benazir in the recent past, but none on Mr Mush. This seems a bit against this particular view isnt it?

4) Well, couldn't resist putting this point. Is it possible that India had some motive behind it?
In the terms of Sharif and Bhutto, there was a lot of terrorist infiltration secretly supported by Pakistan. During Mush's regime, these apparently had ceased. The indo-pak relations were in a much better position. Is it possible that India was afraid of the possibility of either of Sharif / Bhutto returning to power?

If anyone has comments or any arguments with/against these views they are very much welcome to write. This is a highly interesting point to discuss (Not the unfortunate incident but the cause of it). I am sure that politics analysts all over the world (not politicians !) would be thinking about the incident.

P.S. I have written these views as a part of my own brainstorming process, they may not necessarily have any kind of validity / factual proof.

Local Vs Global Optima

Statutory warning: This blog is a scientific discussion.



In maths, there is a concept called as optima. I wont define wot it is. there are two types of optima, local and global. They mean literally that.



These concepts are used bery widely in many fields. Lets first discuss some of them before we go to the main topic of the blog.



1) Industry:

Industrialists all over the world are continuously analyzing their performance based on some criteria. The main problem in front of them is whether to achieve a local optima in each of their units, or to achieve a global optima in the whole pipeline as such. The achievement of a local optima is preferred by individual units as they have better performance to report. Whereas the big bosses see the 'big picture'.



2) Protein folding: (correct me if i m wrong)

In the process of protein folding, the protein goes through various free energy points which are local optima points. However the protein is supposed to fold in such a way that the overall free energy is the global optimum. But the protein in reality, in vivo is never at the global optimum, its at one of the local optima.

This brings us to the topic of this blog. Does life also have any such things?
For the sake of discussion, lets call optima as the 'good' state of life.

We all know that there are ups and downs in life. I think that they are like local fluctuations on a timeline. Sometimes we achieve local optimum, sometimes its a 'down' state. This takes us to the fundamental question, which is translated as: "Should one try to achieve the local optima always, or sometime sacrifice the local optima for the global optimum"

I think global optima is the choice (or traditionally its known to be the 'wise' choice). But is it?
On a timescale, global optimum would be at the end of the whole context, which translates to death here.(?)

Moreover, in striving for the global optimum, are we allowing some irreversible damage?

Well, i sorta forgot wot i was thinking (i was on the bike then). But lets discuss another situation.

I am applying to US.. investing more than a lac Rs in the process. Plus there are these other exams an all. So lets take it somewhere around 1.5lac. This is to achieve the global optimum right?.
But if the process fails somehow, the damage created by it is going to be a big blow. So in order to achieve the global optimum, i m putting the local situation in danger. Is that a wise thing to do?

let me ponder over it for some time.. meanwhile, any comments / suggestions are welcome.

Hello,

Hvnt been online much.. (well atleast on the blogger).. been busy with US applications... SOP, recos, univ shortlistings, transcripts etc etc... dint get much time to write anything.. which brings us to the topic of this post.

See, in the last yr, when i was teaching GRE maths to a girl, i never thought tht i myself wud give GRE an all.. but somehow i went through the pipeline.. (i m not regretting it at all)..
an then when actually i realized tht after all the prepn, (if i get thru), i wud be goin to US for my PhD, it was a different feeling... the same thingn i.e. goin to US for phd.. was different when i casually talked abt it, an now when i m actually preparing for it, its a whole new thing.
A long time ago, in say 7-8th std, i had read a poem, marathi one.. called साग़रास.. by Swatantryaveer sawarkar. i remember the words :

गुण-सुमने मी वेचियली या भावे , कि तिने सुगंधा घ्यावे
जरी उद्धरणी व्यय न तिच्या हो साचा , हा व्यर्थ भार विद्येचा

These are the words which continuously keep coming to my mind. Not that i have already gone an cant return.. but still there is a feeling something like that...

Am i doing the right thing? am i leaving the country, leaving my family, leaving the place where i belong? What is the reason tht i m so much motivated to go to US? is it the same feeling as conveyed by these words (from the same poem)?:

मज वदलासी अन्य देशी चल जाऊ , स्रृष्टिची विविधता पाहू ॥
तंइ जननी ह्रं विरह शंकित हि झाले, परि तुंवा वचन तिज दिधले ॥
मार्गज्ञ स्वये मीच पृष्ठी वाहीन, त्वरितया परत आणीन ॥
विश्वसलो या तव वचनी मी,
जगदनुभव योगे बनुनी मी,
तव अधिक शक्त उद्धरणी मी, ॥

येइन त्वरे कथुन सोडिले तिजला, सागरा प्राण तळमळला, तळमळला सागरा ॥

I am worried that its a similar feeling tht i m experiencing..

dont know wot to do now.. lets see.. will think more abt it..

till then goodbye

-Alok

Continued from the last post....

Now probably i understand the fox and his sour grapes.. grapes are probably meant to be sour.. or the fox is not meant to eat those grapes, or simply both.
But i cant help thinking that the fox is probably wise.. an sour grapes do seem like the right choice...
The fox was wise, he knew that there is a chance that the grapes are sour, wot about me?
I also knew that .. still i didnt make the choice.. i m a lot less wiser than the fox u can say..

and probably, accepting the fact that the grapes are sour takes bravery..